Hallmark Movie Drinking Game ©

The worst kept secret in fairy tales is that they conform to a formula. There’s something comforting in that, if a bit predictable. A modern-day equivalent is a Hallmark movie. They are predictable and comfortable, like worn-in shoes. Not great, not bad—just a pleasant way to spend an afternoon (or a holiday season). A bit of warmth when the world feels distinctly chilly. And this isn’t a dig. I have a strange and abiding love for Hallmark movies despite their slow, if well-intentioned, move to include diverse representation (a post for another day).But I think they could be even better, or better yet, interactive. Remember drinking games from college? What better way to pass the time (hopefully with friends and loved ones) than a nice day with soppy romances and a few shot glasses?For those who don’t do shots, sips of wine work just as well! And for those who don't imbibe, chocolate pieces are a nice alternative![gallery ids="805,806,807" type="rectangular"]Here’s my game:Part I. Challenge shots—this is where you make predictions based on the title and picture. If you win the prediction, you choose who takes a shot.Part II. Shots taken based on the action in the movie and are pretty self-explanatoryPart III. Edition Additions—for subset of movies like holidays or ones regarding royalty.

• Challenge shot: if you can guess the setback for hour 1:40*
• Challenge shot: if protag is trying to live up to a deceased parent
• Challenge shot: one each for every MWD** sighting
• Challenge shot: guess if a piece of handiwork or a baked good brings the couple together

• 1 shot for the meet-cute
• 1 shot for the scene that shows a woman who is overworked and awaiting a much-deserved promotion (1 extra if someone else is undermining her; 1 extra shot if that person will be her love interest; 2 extras if both are shown in the same scene)
• 1 shot for Cleaning*** moment (challenge shot if you know who will clean whom; another challenge if you know what will be cleaned off)
• 1 shot for the almost kiss (challenge if you know what/who will interrupt it)
• 1 shot each time a Type A lets go because of love interest
• 1 shot each time the SBF**** reminds the protag she needs to get a man
• 1 shot each time the love interest tells the protag to relax, slow down, etc.
• 1 shot each time someone’s “city-ness” is commented on by love interest
• 1 shot for stock shots of major cities in which the characters are never found

 Holiday Edition Additions

• (HE) 1 shot for each product placement; 2 if it’s specifically for Christmas
• (HE) 1 shot for each Santa sighting
• (HE) 1 shot for Happy, the Hallmark rescue dog, is on screen

 Royal Edition Additions

• (RE) 1 shot for royal reveal
• (RE) 1 shot for royal “down to earth” stories
• (RE) 1 shot for each “American-ness” comments by disapproving parent

Wedding Edition Additions

• (WE) 1 shot for each wedding setback
• (WE) 1 shot if the main wedding spawns another wedding/engagement
• (WE) 1 shot each time a family member laments the single status of the protagonist

In the end, no matter how much may say otherwise, a Hallmark movie is all we really need for a good time. ¡Salud! *The incident that causes the last-minute wrench in the romance**Minority Window Dressing: visible, but voiceless; usually found in large scenes, like weddings, coffee shops, etc.*** The Cleaning moment is the first time the protag and love interest touch because someone has something on their face or in their hair. The two lock eyes and then turn away, embarrassed.****Sassy Best Friend 

Romance by Another Name--My Top 5 unconventional stories about love

Valentine’s day is days away and I’ve never been one to celebrate it. One year in junior high a friend and I, fed up with the day, threw rocks in a pond and named each rock after a boy. It’s my favorite Valentine’s Day memory.Now I write a blog about fairy tales, which for some is the touchstone of romance. I, on the other hand, prefer something more modern. So in honor of a holiday I don’t celebrate I offer a list of modern fairy tale romances I wish I’d known about in junior high: Outlander series: Despite being set in the past, Jamie’s oddly progressive views about a strong, capable woman is worth wishing for. Plus, the accent… Followed by Frost: A fairy tale retelling of the Snow Queen, it’s a rare redemption story that focuses on loving oneself before loving someone elseThe Rules of Magic: Not an obvious choice, but I appreciate a story that shows that love doesn’t have to last to be deep, meaningful and powerfulThe Woodcutter: The ultimate story about faithfulness versus duty. His love of his wife is all that sustains him and keeps him strong for all the trials ahead even though it isn’t a given that he’ll return. I also love that she isn’t described as a great beauty, just someone precious to himHis Majesty’s Dragon: Not all love stories have to be romantic. Friendship is just as powerful and the love between a man and his dragon, while distinctly an idea of fantasy writers, is no less valid. Those are my top five romances for people who need a little something extra in their love stories. Here’s hoping my paranormal romance, The Cemetery Circle, makes it on to your list of unconventional romances.  Stone Watcher. The term holds no meaning for 30-year-old Cia, who thought a free vacation to Scotland would be the perfect escape from her troubles—not knowing it would commit her to a lifelong promise made centuries before her time.The Cemetery Circle is a paranormal fantasy novella that begs the question—who would volunteer to live next to a graveyard? The answer is—no one.

OOO October's Outta the Drawer Originals, part V--The Finale

October is almost over and with it's departure comes my last entry for OOO October's Outta the Drawer Originals. I hope it inspire at least one or two of you to unearth some old stories or come up with some new ones.My finale is inspired by my yearly Halloween costume--a night fairy. It's more a concept than a reality. I imagine them to be the fairies that are in charge of rules, even if fairy rules are different than our own.Siduenya

OOO October's Outta the Drawer Originals, part III

I don't know about you, dear reader, but here summer is finally in full retreat and autumn has arrived. It's my favorite time and also my most creative. The first short story I wrote when I decided to call myself a writer out loud was inspired by this picture:It made me think of an ocean completely composed of fallen leaves. And it gave me an idea for a story.The Edge of Leaf Lake            A children’s game turns from whimsy to wondrous when 11 year old Julia realizes that helping a friend means braving the unknown.

Sympathy for the Devil?

There's a new school of thought roaming the halls for fiction. I've referred to it in the past as revisionist fairy tale history. The stories handed down through the generations are very clearly morality tales all with the same basic message--being good is better than being bad. There are myriad ways to put that, but the easier to digest the better. Wolves, vain queens, little men who can spin straw into gold are best avoided and it's easy because they so obviously look evil. It's Black Hat Syndrome or the Disney-fication of character as I like to call it. But a new tendency, a revisionist modern view, is starting to take root in fairy tales.I say modern because it's our modern sensibilities, our post-Freudian minds, that asks the question, "Why does evil exist?" It begs the question, what happened in the evil queen's life to make her hate the step-daughter so much? Can we really blame a wolf for wanting a meal--a lot of us eat meat? Is it wrong to expect payment for doing all the work while the maiden gets a new life? My question is, do you think our fairy tale reading ancestors would have asked these questions?It's a topic I've been wrestling with lately regarding the new crop of fairy tales. I'm sure everyone knows about Maleficent, Disney's new live action take on Sleeping Beauty from the villain's perspective. I will admit, when it first heard about it I was a little miffed because I was in the middle of writing a novel called The 13th Fairy based on the original story and I set it in Reconstruction America. It was told from the point of view of the overlooked fairy who didn't make the party list because of a lack of golden dishware. A ridiculous reason to exclude a guest who has the potential to give some great gifts or (as they found out) a truly horrific curse. I started to wonder what happened to the fairy after she dropped the party-killing bomb. I thought her story would be much more interesting than a girl who falls asleep and waits for a prince she's never met to wake her with a kiss. I always thought it was a little presumptuous of the other fairy to put the rest of the castle to sleep while they waited for the big rescue. Talk about royal prerogatives! Nowadays the castle folk would have sued.But I digress. I think it's a sign of maturity when you start wondering more about the bad guys in a story than the heroes. When we're kids we ask why about everything, but I don't remember questioning the stories that ended "....And they lived happily ever after." I figured it went without saying it included pretty dresses and lots of cake, the only happily ever after a seven year old can imagine. Now I wonder about the other characters. Were the castle folk paid for their time in stasis? Were the king and queen relieved to have some new clothes? Most importantly, did Maleficent (the best name for a villain, by the way) regret her impetuous act or did she have a real axe to grind? I still haven't seen Maleficent, but I can't wait to find out what happens.Are there any fairy tale villains you wish you knew more about?

The Tale of Red Riding Hood...Part III

The Tale of Red Riding Hood Part IThe Tale of Red Riding Hood Part IIWhen last we left our heroine, she was running from a pack of vengeful wolves in the company of her mysterious travel companion, Rummy...

On Red Riding Hood ran, feeling the same panic she felt as a little girl facing down a wolf in her grandmother’s gown. There was no woodsman to save her now, but the thought jolted her memory. Still running, she fumbled with her cape feeling the familiar heaviness of the ax. Her concentration was so focused on freeing the weapon from the billowing fabric, that she didn’t notice the exposed root of an oak in front of her. She landed with a crash, but quickly grabbed up the ax.

The wolves were now in a tight circle around her, snapping and salivating. Rummy was close behind, still laughing at the foolish girl on the ground.

“This is the family of the two wolves you killed. The fairies promised to make me one of them if I could help a creature who is reviled. Nothing is more hated than a wolf lurking in the woods. Now they shall have their revenge and I’ll have my reward.”

Red had little time to think about his words for before long she was beset by teeth and claws. Her ax was her only defense, which she used in short, hacking strokes. The wolves had not expected Red to be armed, but their blood lust and need for revenge fueled their attacks. Two of them continued to lunge even after sustaining terrible wounds and another three tried plunging under the arc of the ax.

Her arm began to feel heavy, but Red continued in fear for her life. The attacks were becoming clumsy on both sides. The two fiercest wolves were beginning to succumb to their injuries and the other three were losing the rhythm of her hacks. Soon all of them were in a heap of fur and blood and Red, bloodied and bruised herself, was the victor. An enraged Rummy stomped his feet and railed against the silence.

“I did as you asked. It’s not my fault they weren’t able to revenge themselves!” he yelled at the heavens. Red raised her ax keeping a safe distance from herself and the man shrieking in front of her. Through the trees a voice whispered on the wind.

“Helping those in need is not hurting others. This is your third such offense. You may not join us and what’s more you will become a figure of ridicule until you can find a soul to love you,” said the voice and Rummy was transformed into small wizened man with scant hair and a pointy face. He looked like an angry man child stomping his feet and then running away from the forest.

“To you Red of the Riding Hood, we give our good wishes. If there is anything you want, please name it.”

Red thought long and hard about her wish and was inspired by the events of the day. The fairies honored her request and sent her back to her cottage in the woods from which an ax shaped sign swung reading, “Red of the Riding Hood, Forest Escort”.

As for Rummy, he found another who needed his help. A miller’s daughter with a room full of straw…

 THE END?

Motherhood in Fairy Tales

There’s no greater antithesis to celebrating the role of Mother than fairy tales. In most, the biological mother is usually dead and in her place is a step-mother of dubious nurturing abilities. Fairy tales have a way of reinforcing the main female archetypes, virginal innocent or power-hungry witch. But what if the virgin was a bitch and the witch used her power for good? I’ve never had a step mother nor have I ever been one, but I feel that this much maligned position could use a modern fairy tale revamp.

The Witch (written in fairy tale style)

Once there was a woman of great power and simple needs. She lived in the woods learning the ways of the flora and fauna that surrounded her from her own senses and her wise mother. She grew past a marriageable age, but thought little of it happy in her home.

One day, a man happened upon their cottage with a heavy heart. Taking pity on the man, the woman brought him into her sanctuary. He told both women of his heartbreak brought on by the death of his wife and his motherless daughter. The woman was moved by his story and offered what comfort she could, but felt powerless to bring him any relief. He thanked them both and continued on his way.

Days passed and the woman could not stop thinking about the man and his daughter. Her mother, who had taught her compassion, cautioned her taking on other people’s problems was often a thankless task. The woman agreed, but still she mused and moped feeling helpless in the face of such bald sadness.

It came to pass that on a particularly beautiful day the woman made an important decision. Leaving a note for her mother, she searched for the home of the man and his child. What she found was a grand home far different from her own, lacking plants and wild animals. It made her uneasy, but she reminded herself that she was not here for herself. She was greeted at the door by a girl on the verge of womanhood with a face that revealed her disdain for the visitor. Looking down at her clothing, she noticed the patches and stains for the first time. In contrast, the girl at the door looked elegant and beautiful. Soon thereafter her father appeared and the look of contentment on his face told the woman she had made the right decision.

As always happens in these stories, the two had a short courtship followed by marriage and soon a child of their own. In the meantime, the man’s daughter grew more beautiful by the day, but also more vain and unpleasant. She spurned the love offered her by her step-mother and refused to learn the lessons her step-mother tried in vain to impart. The girl took to calling her step-mother a witch and word of it spread throughout the town. Because her step-mother was plain and a stranger, the townspeople believed the beautiful girl. Her father became withdrawn and was reluctant to defend his new wife, especially to his vain daughter.

There was business to be conducted in a neighboring town, and so the man left his new wife, his baby, and his elder daughter at home. The woman took this time to go into the woods and visit her mother with her new baby. It also afforded her the opportunity to collect herbs for her garden. Left to her own devices, the elder daughter spent her time weaving a web of lies and fear in the townspeople against her step-mother. Calling her a witch and claiming to have been mistreated at her hands, the townspeople vowed to drive the evil woman away. The duke’s son, beguiled by her beauty, offered to be her protector and slay her step-mother.

Upon returning to her home, the step-mother found an angry mob restlessly patrolling the manor. One caught sight of her and alerted the others, who came running at her. For her part, she clutched her baby tighter and ran back into the forest never to be seen again. The townspeople congratulated themselves on ridding the town of such an evil influence. The girl soon married the duke’s son, leaving her grieving father alone.

The woman returned to her quiet home in the forest and raised her son teaching him all she had learned from her mother and for good measure warned him against the temptation of a pretty face. “Better a witch than a bitch.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

Princess Makeovers?

I’ve mentioned before that I like Disney. Besides their wonderful parks and the uplifting mantra that dreams really do come true, I enjoy the entertainment they provide for children in a world that has fewer G rated movies. I’ve also mentioned that I like the movie Brave despite the buffoonish male archetypes. Now, Brave’s Princess Merida is to become an official Disney Princess, an honor I’m sure. However, the approach has left me baffled.

It’s being called a “Barbie-style makeover” giving Merida a tinier waist, controlling her curly locks, exposing her shoulders and taking away her trademark bow and arrow. In its place they’ve added makeup and sparkles to her dress. Why?

I’m not the only one who feels miffed at the transformation. A petition at change.org was started saying “No to the Merida Makeover”. Our modern fairy tale has opted to become a cookie-cutter princess which completely negates the character’s essence. She spunky and fights not only conventions, but also her dress and any attempt to control her hair. Yet Disney has decided that before she can wear the princess tiara she should take it easy on the dessert tray. Which image do you prefer?

Purpose or pretty?

Determined or dolled-up?

Natural or nymphet?

In honor of Mother’s Day I was originally going to write a post about the role of motherhood in fairy tales, but instead I wanted to take the time to remind us that today’s princess could be tomorrow’s President and lipstick should not be a requirement. (And on behalf of curly girls everywhere, stop trying to tame my hair!)

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